Sitting There With That Monk

IMG_0716A conversation from 2011
Listen here – mp3

“I’ve been thinking about how dying, how dying wouldn’t really be dying, unless you didn’t wanna’ go there, ya’ know? *unless yer’ scared of it* I remember this old Indian, he just, he said he didn’t die he just went up into the hills and became everything. I kept thinking how stupid that would be- just go sit underneath the tree and just get up everyday and you know, forever, man. *well, that is what you believe too, right?* Yeh’, I really do. *that’s yer’ thoughts on death isn’t it?* Well, yeh’, I’ll tell ya’ what- that’s my experience… Because, man, I’ve been through some things! I was tripping on our visiting, ya’ dig? And how the different levels of life that we’ve existed on. And like I’ve been in a lot of high, high fear level situations, man, that were just, you know, beyond the movie trips. Movies, they try to create the reality of those situations, but a lot of times those situations happen so so fast that you don’t even know it till it’s over. But, actually it’s never really over because, like, you know like yer’ standing there and somebody pours a tumbler full of paint thinner on yer body and lights you on fire… And, man! You know, all yer’ systems go all the way open– Everything is full blast! And you go wow man, what a fuckin’ trip this is. And then you think, as it’s happening, ya’ know like, how you gonna’ get back and then you think, well I will deal with this. And then you just become it, ya’ deal with it, ya’ get in it- not trying to get away from it. Ya’ just kinda’ get IN it. And DEAL with it, ya’ dig? If yer’ trying to get away from it, it’s gonna’ chase you. But, if you don’t try to get away from it, you just kinda’ mold in there with it and get with it and you BECOME it- then you can deal with it and it becomes a blessing, man. It becomes a good feeling. It just becomes like the best high I ever had in my life! Was when my head was on fire. It was like ten tabs of acid, ya’ know what I’m saying? Some heavy mushrooms. I’ve never been that loaded- before, or since then. *so, that’s like the adrenaline of survival type of high, yeh’ that must have put ya’ on a whole other level, a whole different plane.* Well, I was sitting there with that monk. And the fire was going like this: |..::..| It was just bubbling by my ears, ya’ know. I tricked it. Here’s how I tricked it: They had me all bandaged up, right? And they wanted to unbandage it. I said, “No, leave it.” And they said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Leave it- let me deal with it.” And I thought this: If I move, it’ll scar. I can’t move. I gotta’ keep my face completely quiet. I can’t wrinkle it. I can’t scratch it. I can’t move it. So, I just stayed completely still. And I put all the concentration that I had in my, in my whole life- I just kept my face quiet. And I accepted it. As being gone. It was just completely gone. And I, I didn’t move it. I didn’t wrinkle or open my mouth. I didn’t eat. I didn’t do anything for about five days, man. And then when the guy finally did take the bandages off he took two steps backward, looked at it and said, “Wow man, you just had a facelift.” All my wrinkles were gone. All them crows feet I had at the end of my eyes were gone. All the wrinkles I had on my forehead. I was known for wrinkles on the forehead. I had ruts on my forehead. Yeh’,oh he got on me, he got me good, ya’ know. He solidly got me, man. Yeh’, the whole face. The beard and everything. And my hands. My hands got up in time. Had my hands not got up in time I would’ve been in big trouble. But I move real quick, man. I’m fast. Because I’ve been through so much, ya’ know, I started boxing when I was ten. I’ve always been right there in the field with it, ya’ know. Well, ya’ know what happens, man? When yer’ in prison and you don’t have no family you pick up everybody. Everybody becomes your brother- Everybody becomes your sister. That’s what the guy said, he said, “You’re one of the most forgiving persons I ever met.” I said, “Why?” He said, “Cuz’ you never judge people.” I said, “Man, when you raised up in prison you’re raised up with the worst of it.” And they’re all yer’ friends, man. How you gonna’ judge? Everybody’s got their own circumstances…”